WHO'S YO DADDY?

MARIA ELENA

It is 5:56 a.m. and 70.9 degrees out. Patrick is curled up on his afghan at my feet.

I don't know exactly why this is, but 11 of the last 13 cool astronomical events have been hidden from us here in the dogyard by clouds. Tuesday morning's Lunar eclipse was no exception to the trend. But guess what? The very next night the moon was bright and shiney and full...Que pasa?

Continueing our fashion report from the US Open Tennis Championships, Serena Williams was hideous last night in the same nightmare dress she wore for the opening round. And someone has given her some very BAD advice about her hair--she's a disaster to look at-- but her serve is lightening fast--she beat Italian hottie Maria Elena Camerin. A lot of the players, both men and women are wearing black-- I Don't know if this is a trend or whether somebody died or what...

I wonder if the lovely and buxom Austrian Tamira Paszek (above, left) is in the tournament?

Are you ready for some football? Our prediction: Gators 41, Hilltoppers 17-- a wake up call for UF...You heard it here first.

FROM THE INBOX:

The following are all replies that Detroit

> women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in

> the section for listing "father's details;" or

> putting it another way.... Who's yo Daddy? These are

> genuine excerpts from the form

>

>

> Be sure to check out #11. It takes 1st prize

> and #3 is runner up.

>

>

>

> 1. Regarding the identity of the father of my

> twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon

> McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the

> father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was

> conceived on the same night.

>

> 2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the

> father of my child as I was being sick out of a

> window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can

> provide you with a list of names of men that I think

> were at the party if

> this helps.

>

> 3. I do not know the name of the father of my

> little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600

> East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I

> met that night. I do remember that the sex was so

> good that I fainted.

> If you do manage to track down the father,

> can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

>

> 4. I don't know the identity of the father of

> my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole

> made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.

> Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this

> area and see if he's

> had it replaced.

>

> 5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still

> a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope

> confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate

> and that he is the Saver risen again.

>

> 6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad

> as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover

> and that would have cataclysmic implications for the

> economy. I am torn between doing right by you and

> right by the country.

> Please advise.

>

> 7. I do not know who the father of my child

> was as they all look the same to me.

>

> 8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If

> you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he

> did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned

> at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.

>

> 9. From the dates it seems that my daughter

> was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is

> the Magic Kingdom.

>

> 10. So much about that night is a blur. The

> only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith

> did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If

> I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than

> going to the party at 8956

> Miller Ave, mine might have remained

> unfertilized.

>

> 11. I am unsure as to the identity of the

> father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a

> can of beans you can't be sure which one made you

> fart.

>

>

>

> Yep, you guessed it right - you are all paying

> taxes to support these dim wits!!!!!!!!!!!

go gators!!