ALBERT VS. CHIEF WOTSIZNAME ON THE PAINT

How do you make Seminoles cookies? ... Put them in a sugar bowl and pound them for 60 minutes. *************************************************** After Bobby Bowden dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bobby a little two-bedroom house with a faded FSU banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Bobby looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Gator flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Gator banner hangs between the marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Urban Myer gets a mansion with new Gator banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment. "That's not Meyer's house," God says. "That's mine." *************************************************** What do you call a drug ring in Tallahassee?........A huddle. *************************************************** What do FSU grads call UF grads?....... BOSS! *************************************************** Directions from Gainesville to Tallahassee. Go north 'till you smell it. Go west 'till you step in it. *************************************************** The FSU football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?" All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal," they shouted with Seminole pride. *************************************************** What do Florida and FSU students have in common? ...... They all could get admitted to FSU. *************************************************** "What's the best thing to ever come out of Tallahassee????? I-10!!! *************************************************** A Seminole and a Hurricane are all in the same car. Who's driving? ........The sheriff. *************************************************** 2. What did the FSU grad say to the UF grad? A: Want fries with that? 3. What do you get when you fill out the full activities sheet at Dennys? A: An FSU diploma. 4. What do you call a trailer park surrounded by a brick wall? A: Doak Campbell Stadium. 8. How many 'Noles does it take to fix a flat tire? A: 1 if it's a slow leak, 52 if it's a blow-out. 10. Why did the Bears want to sign Sammy Smith? A: They got rid of the refrigerator, and they wanted a Coke machine. 11. Why'd they take out the turf in Doak Campbell? A: The 'Noles always play better on grass. 13. How do you make a Nole sit during a football game? A: Tell them that they are playing Florida. 14. Why do FSU receivers wear wristbands? A: To keep the handcuffs from chaffing. 16. Who is the Seminoles new defensive coordinator? A: Johnny Cochran. 19. Why can't they have a Nativity scene in Tallahassee? A: They can't find 3 wise men and a virgin. 20. Did you hear about the FSU graduate running the Fortune 500 company? A: Me neither. 21. How many Seminoles does it take to screw in a lighbulb? A: One, but he gets four credits for doing it. 23. How many Seminoles does it take to screw in a lighbulb? A: One, but he gets four credits for doing it. 24. What does FSU and marijuana have in common? A: They both get smoked in a bowl. 25. How do you get an FSU graduate off your porch? A: Pay for the pizza. 29. A mortician and his newly appointed apprentice were working late one night embalming dead bodies. The mortician told the appentice he was going to go to the kitchen and grab something to eat. The apprentice, excited at his first chance to emblam a body rolled the cadaver over and got to work. He then noticed a cork stuck in the cadavers assshole. Bewildered he pulled the cork out and suddenly the seminole fight song started playing from the dead bodies zookhole. He quickly put the cork back in and went to go get the mortician. The mortician ran in and and the apprentice explained what had just happened. The mortician pulled out the cork out of the bodies ass and the same thing happened. The mortician then answered "So what? I've heard that song come out of hundreds of zookholes." 31. What's the best way to break a 'Noles finger? A: Punch him in the nose. 32. How do you save a Seminole from drowning? A: Lift your foot off his head. 33. What do average FSU players get on their SAT? A: Drool. 34. An FSU fan was driving from Tallahassee to Gainesville at the same time a UF fan was driving from Gainesville to Tallahassee. It was very late at night and there were no other cars on the road. About half way between the two cities, they collided with one another. The accident scene was horrible. The cars were at opposite sides of the road all twisted and mangled. The Nole scrambled from his car and looked around at the mess. "I can't believe I lived through this accident!" He thought to himself.The Gator got out of his car and checked out the scene. "Boy, God must really be looking over me! I can't believe I lived through this." He thought. Finally, the Nole walks over to the Gator and says, "This must be a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and stop being arch enemies." The Gator says, "I think you're right. Let's drink to our newfound friendship." Then the Gator pops the trunk of his car and pulls out a full bottle of Jack Daniels. He takes the top off and hands it to the Nole fan. After drinking about half of the bottle, the Nole fan hands it back to the Gator. "You're turn," he says. The Gator fan screws the lid back on the bottle and says, "Nah, I think I'll wait for the police." 38. What's the difference between an FSU cheerleader and a Corvette? A: Not everyone's been in a Corvette. 46. Three football fans were driving along when they noticed a body in the underbrush. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately they were too late. They discovered the nude body of a deceased young woman. Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his Hurricanes hat over one of her breasts. The second guy, a Gators fan, placed his hat over her other breast. The nole fan then placed his hat over the woman's very private part. Soon the police arrived. The coroner started checking over the body. He picked up the Hurricanes hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked up the Gator hat and returned it. Then he picked up the nole fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the nole fan was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert?" The coroner responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure this one out at all. Usually when I come across one of these $eminole hats, there's an zookhole under it." 49. Peter Warrick, Sebastian Janikowski, and Lavernius Coles are in a car; who's driving? A: The police. 50. What do you call a Seminole wearing a suit? A: The defendant.