POST #1301

It is 8:45 a.m. and 28.7 degrees outside. Patrick and Junior are asleep in bed.

Well, everything's looking the same. Anything happen while I was gone? Giants win by four? No? three, you say.

From the inbox, courtesy Junior:

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the
country:


16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
through."

15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while."

14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document·"

13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again,
or I'll give you another ticket."

8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where You go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and Step in monkey crap."

6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we can."

2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Gilbrert is a personal
friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS...

1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."

GO GATORS BEAT SOMEBODY, please.