COLD CASE

It is 7:37 a.m. and Patrick is under the covers downstairs with either Junior or Stephen.

Satellite photos show the Federal Bueau of Idiots digging up a farm near Detroit and they've admitted they're looing for Jimmy Hoffa's body. GET OVER IT! He's dead, and so is Francisco Franco. The moron who ordered this little fidld trip needs to be fired. What a waste of the taxpayer's dollars and the FBI's resources. From the folks that brought you WACO.

American Idol proved once again last night that it is not a reality show by showcasing the obviously phony voting results: Each contestant got 33% and change of the votes. Yeah, right... Baloney!! If you believe that, you're delusional. We have no doubt the Order of the vote was preserved intact, perhaps, but not the totals.

So, don't bother voting, you know it's rigged. Taylor wins, who woulda thought?

But we still think KATHARINE MCPHEE is the real winner....

Da Vinci Code, the movie, is BORING, DULL and TOO LONG according to the majority of critics. That should settle the debate. I'm not sure we're going to support it with our ticket dollars, now. Twenty bucks for fighting sleep in a theatre is not my idea of a good time. Think I'll quit re-reading the book, now. Sorry, Tom. We don't like your haircut, anyway.

STOP THE BABY KILLING, NOW!!!

GET THE US OUT OF THE UN!!!

SPURRIER MUST BE BEATEN IN THE SWAMP--THE GAME OF THE CENTURY!!!