EXCLUSIVE OPEC MINISTER INTERVIEW

It is 7:25 am edt and 71.3 degrees. Humidity is 107% with Dense Fog. Patrick is with Junior asleep downstairs and Boarder and cats are in Room #4.

Our worldwide network of correspondents have teamed together to provide this stunning revelation from one of our friendly Arab buddies:

The OPEC minister may look you in the eye and say, "We are at war with you infidels and have been since the embargo in the 1970s. You are so arrogant you haven't even recognized it. You have more missiles, bombs, and technology; so we are fighting with the best weapon we have and extracting on a net basis about $700 billion/year out of your economy. We will destroy you! Death to the infidels!

While I am here I would like to thank you for the following:

Not developing your 250-300 year supply of oil shale and tar sands. we know if you did this, it would create thousands of jobs for U.S. citizens, expand your engineering capabilities, and keep the wealth in the U.S. instead of sending it to us to finance our war against you infidels.

Thanks for limiting Defense Department purchases of oil sands from your neighbors to the north. We love it when you confuse your allies.

Thanks for over regulating every segment of your economy and thus delaying, by decades, the development of alternate fuel technologies.

Thanks for limiting drilling off your coasts, in Alaska, and anywhere there is an insect, bird, fish, or plant that might be inconvenienced. Better that your people suffer. Glad to see our lobbying efforts have been so effective.

Corn based Ethanol. Praise Allah for this sham program! Perhaps you will destroy yourself from the inside with theses types of policies. This is a gift from Allah, praise his name! We never would have thought of this one! This is better than when you pay your farmers NOT TO GROW FOOD. Have them use more energy to create less energy, and simultaneously drive up food prices. Thank you U.S. Congress!

And finally, we appreciate you letting us fleece you without end. You will be glad to know we have been accumulating shares in your banks, real estate, and publicly held companies. We also finance a good portion of your debt and now manipulate your markets, currency, and economies for our benefit.

THANK YOU AMERICA!

And: Foolishly we watched 1 and 3/4 hours of the Espy Awards on ESPN last night--this was made to look like a live show, but it wasn't--Danika raced yesterday and got in another fight-this time with a girl who cut her off (been there, done that) And she was in an absolutley hideous dress for the show--she presented, but didn't win either of her categories--anyway, so after watching a really gay Justine Timberlake tell lame jokes in a falsetto voice, yuck, and with Tebow IN THE AUDIENCE, they show a 4 second filmed montage clip of him receiving his award...BAH!! You Bastards!!

GO GATORS!

-TR-